Loc, Rock & LOL
When you were a kid, did you ever spin…
around…
and around…
and around?
Until your head hurt…
until your vision was blurry…
and until your stomach began to churn?
Yep, I felt like that once…
but it wasn’t from spinning around in circles…
it was because…
I was drunk!
It was one hell of a party,
Jimmy’s parents were very open minded,
in the back yard was a huge bon-fire…
fueled by, what was, the living room furniture…
and in Jimmy’s hands was a crate of fireworks…
enough to blow up the whole house!
Now, we all know that just because someone has a license…
it doesn’t mean that they are a good driver!
I wasn’t feeling well,
my head was buzzing,
I needed to lay down or else I was going to throw up!
So I snuck behind the back of the house,
now, behind Jimmy’s house was a massive football field,
the lush green grass was so warm and comfy…
that when I lay down…
I instantly…
fell asleep!
That night, for some reason, I dreamt of Billy Ray Cyrus…
“You can tell the world, you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I’m gone.
And you can tell your friends, just what a fool I’ve been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone ooohhh”
I would have happily stayed there all night,
if it wasn’t for the sudden…
boot in the face…
a cold, hard, steel capped boot…
that belonged to…
an angry biker!
I was immediately overwhelmed with fear,
he had an intense look about him like he had been in and out of prison a few too many times
and on his arms were tattoos…
of skulls…
snakes…
and sexy women!
I was scared!
He said “I don’t like your kind!”
Now, this was the first time that someone had expressed a disliking towards me because of my race…
and decided to show it with a display of physical violence.
He was a pretty big guy, much bigger than me
and for some reason I knew that someone was going to end up in hospital that night…
or maybe even dead!
I was petrified!
What was I to do?
What was I to say?
I had an idea…
I said “Yyyou shouldn’t mess with me!
I’m bad…
I’m dangerous…
I have a black belt in…
K, K, Karaoke!”
He was not impressed!
Maybe his mum didn’t hug him enough when he was a kid?
Or maybe his dad didn’t take him fishing?
Or maybe it was because he didn’t like my singing?
Nah, that can’t be!
I mean…
Who doesn’t like “Achy Breaky Heart”?
He said “I hate country music!”
And then he proceeded to press down a little harder with his boot on my face…
I was starting to bleed,
I could feel the metal cutting my skin and grazing at my flesh.
My friends were too far away for me to call out for help…
I was doomed!
I had to think of something fast or else something very bad was going to happen!
I had another idea!
I said “Hey man, we have a mutual friend you and I!”
He said “Oh yeah? Who do you know that I know?”
And I said “JJJohnny!”
He said “Johnny? Johnny who?”
And so I said “JJJohnny W,W,Wallker!”
In that moment I could see the dark clouds from above his head dispersing…
his mood lightened…
and his face softened…
and then, he began to laugh…
he lifted his boot from off of my face…
reached out his hand…
and pulled me up from off the ground.
